


Memory, Like Fire

by CaroltheQueen (always_1895)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 16:26:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7060360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/always_1895/pseuds/CaroltheQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Abby awoke in stages. The sensations that flooded her at first felt like she was still dreaming. There was light, so much light, and a floating feeling of contentment. This was where she was meant to be. She was safe here. No harm would ever come to her again, and no pain would touch her. </p><p>Currently posting all of my fics from Tumblr over here. Title from an X-Files quote: "Memory, like fire, is radiant and immutable."</p><p>Written post 3x10.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memory, Like Fire

Abby awoke in stages. The sensations that flooded her at first felt like she was still dreaming. There was light, so much light, and a floating feeling of contentment. This was where she was meant to be. She was safe here. No harm would ever come to her again, and no pain would touch her. Time no longer had any meaning. She drifted amongst other people, but never reached out to them, nor they to her. And that was finally when a nagging feeling that something was wrong fully intruded in her mind. There should be people. There were people missing. Important people. Memories of what living ought to be, and of the person Abby Griffin truly was started to emerge, and she knew with a sudden clarity that she was not this serene, insensate consciousness. She was fire. She was passion, love, anger, loss, and hope…

And then she was pain.

Like a dam breaking, the memories came flooding in: the loss of her parents, of Jake, oh Jake, of Clarke. Of finding Clarke again, just to lose her again and again. Of thinking the Ark was exploding around her, of lying in a silent launch bay, the oxygen growing thinner, her whole body aching. The fear then, of crashing to Earth. Of realising she knew nothing of this new world. Of Clarke and Marcus leaving her to face it’s dangers and hardships alone. Raven, awake and screaming under her hands as the scalpel cut into her. Clarke with her hands covered in blood, and her horrified, knowing eyes reflecting the fires of Tondc burning to the ground. Marcus, cold and bleeding out under the ruins. A drill boring into her leg, through flesh and bone, and her own hoarse screams in her ears, mixing in with Marcus’ desperate pleas. Tears on her face as her daughter disappeared again, carrying the weight of so many deaths on her conscience. The reality of losing Marcus before they’d had the chance to begin, in exactly the same way she’d lost the last man she’d loved.

But then there was joy. Beautiful memories inextricably linked in with those of pain and loss. Her childhood, her wedding. Jake’s smile, and his eyes, his laugh, his arms, his lips, his body. The first time she held Clarke, tiny, red-faced and crying; feeling more exhausted than she’d ever felt in her life, but more full of love than she’d ever been too. Watching Clarke grow; how smart and strong and beautiful she was. Her pride at how she had survived down on the ground. The sheer stunning beauty of Earth the first time she stood upon it and breathed it’s air, with Marcus standing beside her, where he’d endeavoured to stay ever since. Marcus’ face transformed by his smile and the warmth in his eyes. His concern and support, a gentle hand on her shoulder. His beard prickling softly against her palms as she cradled his face in her hands. His forehead pressed against her own and running her fingers through his hair. His kiss, fierce and deep, full of unsaid things, and leaving her aching for more. May we meet again.

His hand in hers.

There was a hand holding hers. She squeezed it.

“Abby?” His voice came in a rough whisper.

Abby opened her eyes to the world, and the man, she’d been away from for far too long. And there he was, sat at her bedside looking down at her. He looked wrecked. His hair was a mess (had he been running his hands through it in worry?), and his beard was in dire need of a trim. His eyes were red-rimmed but shining as she met his gaze. He was beautiful.

She opened her mouth to speak, but she realised her throat was burning, raw like she’d been screaming for hours. In fact her whole body ached, it seemed like every muscle felt tight and strained. And there was a searing pain on the back of her neck. Abby gripped Marcus’ hand tighter and the pain must have shown on her face because he moved closer, hovered over her, and brought a hand to her cheek, his thumb catching a tear that escaped from the corner of her eye.

“Hey, sshh, you’re ok. It’s ok. I know it hurts, but we got it out. Clarke got the chip out. Do you remember?”

Clarke. Abby tore her eyes from his to dart around the room, resisting the need to turn her head to look for her daughter.

“Wher-” she tried to ask, but it came out choked, and Marcus immediately turned and brought a cup of water into her view.

“Carefully.” he murmured, sliding a hand between her head and the pillow, both of them trying not to move her neck too much. “I told Clarke to sleep for a little while.” he continued, as he helped Abby take small sips, the water wonderfully cool and soothing to her throat. “She’s in the next room, she’s safe. We’re in Polis. Indra’s here. She’s helping us.” He took the water away then and Abby returned her head to the pillow. She licked her lips, and tried again.

“Marcus.” It was little more than a rough whisper, but Marcus’ answering smile was so completely relieved and tender. He touched her face again, his other hand still in hers.

“You’re here.” He breathed, stroking her hair. “Do you remember?”

It was a vague question, but Abby understood what he was asking. She wondered how many times he’d asked her that in the last few days.

“Everything.” She watched that word take effect on him. His whole body seemed to slump as if all the tension had suddenly drained out of it, and a breathy, relieved sob escaped him. He closed his eyes briefly and a few tears finally escaped, but he was smiling. Abby was struck by the thought that she would do anything to keep him smiling like that for the rest of her life. Because now she could remember flashes of lucidity from what must have been her struggle against ALIE’s influence. Marcus and Clarke’s pained faces swimming in front of her eyes. Their pleas for her to fight, to come back, and telling her all the things she was now horrified that she’d forgotten.

“I forgot Jake…” she choked out, knowing it had been the chip blocking him out, but still hating herself for not fighting harder to hold onto him.

“You did. But you got him back, Abby. You fought so hard to get him back. Once Clarke started talking about him… You knew how wrong it was that you couldn’t remember. You knew.” She let his words and touch wash over her, assuaging the guilt a little, until his face crumpled and he continued, “You were crying and screaming. The chip… It tried to make you-” his voice broke, and he ducked his head. “You had a seizure. We thought you were dead.”

At that, Abby didn’t care how much her body hurt, only how much her heart ached to see just how much he had suffered to see her like that, and she needed to have him in her arms. His pain made it plain as day just how much he loved her; she needed to love him back, now.

“Marcus…” She tugged on his hand. He looked up again and smiled, despite the tears on his face.

“I’m sorry. You’re awake now, and you’re you, that’s all that matters.”

“Come here.” She reached out to him with her other arm, beckoning him in. “Please, Marcus.”

His hesitation was short-lived, but he still rose slowly and carefully perched his hip on the side of the bed.

“I just… I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

He shed his jacket then, and lay back, rolling onto his side to face her. Luckily the bed, piled with soft furs that had her sore muscles relaxing into them, seemed large enough that Abby did not need to shuffle over to make space for him. Marcus seemed unsure of what to do next, or where to put his hands, so, with an amused smile, she took pity on him and drew him close, put her arms around his neck, and carded her fingers through his hair. He melted against her then, burying his face in the crook of her neck, his beard a teasing prickle against her skin. He wound his arms around her waist, Abby tangled their legs together, and finally she could feel the entire warm, solid press of his body against her own.

It was a little overwhelming that she was allowed to do this now. That she was allowed to press small kisses into his hair as he let her hold him, to see him vulnerable and emotionally bare in a way that was so far from the man he’d been on the Ark that it brought fresh tears to her eyes. Abby felt a swell of love and pride in her chest at how far he’d come, how far they had come together. She yearned to be closer, as close as they could possibly get. To map his body with her hands and mouth and to feel him inside her. But she knew there was no way her body was capable of anything but resting right now, no matter how much she wanted him. There would be time for that soon. There had to be. Abby hugged him tighter as if she could keep the world and everything they were facing at bay by sheer force of will.

As if he’d read her mind, Marcus murmured against her neck, “I won’t leave you again.”

She took his face in her hands, drew his head up to look him in the eye, then (because it felt like a million years since he’d kissed her back in Arkadia) she kissed him, slow and deep and full of promise. It was a while before they could bear to part, but when they did, Abby couldn’t go another second without telling him.

“I love you.”

He looked at her like she was his entire world, and there was that smile again. “I love you, too.”

“We’re going to be okay.”


End file.
